Last night, I couldn’t sleep! I was tossing and turning thinking about all of my problems, thinking that things wouldn’t get any better I hadn’t been sleeping well, I have had insomnia for a very long time, since I was a little kid I was always scared afraid that something bad may happen to me while I was asleep so I had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I never sleep well! I always felt like things weren’t going to turn out ok, but after thinking like that for so long I now am trying to break free from that kind of thinking, but its not always that simple. I mean think about it, is it really that easy to I used to think this way, but what really does matter is how you look at it. I could sit around thinking my sleeping would never get better and just give up. Sometimes I do feel like that I just feel so tired ya know? However, that doesn’t work that just makes things worse, then I really can’t sleep at all. So, last night, after I finally fell asleep i had a terrible nightmare. That just made it worse! Then, a miracle happened, by 3 am I got up from my bed, turned on my labtop and was feeling pretty deveated. I was sick and tired of getting no good deep sleep, but then I remembered that thinking that way wouldn’t help me, it would just make things work, so I prayed to God asking him to help me, to heal me to help me fall asleep and stay asleep for the rest of the night, because I knew that with him by my side, with him watching out for me and also my guardian angels, I would be ok.
So, after doing that and after watching something funny on hulu for a little while, I started feeling sleepy. Next thing I know around 4 am I stopped, turned off my computer, and tried to go back to sleep, knowing this time in my heart that things would work out that things would be ok that God was with me and that he’d helped me fall asleep.
I believed that things would work out and when I woke up in the morning, after weeks and weeks of not being able to sleep deeply, or feel well rested, I finally slept better than I have in years, Now technically i only got about 5 and a half or 6 hours of sleep, but it was good. It helped me wake up with a happy heart and now today I have more energy. Just think if I keep it up I’ll be sleeping better in no time! So, positive thinking thinking this way, really did make a difference!
The funny thing is that this morning I found this quote that really spoke to me and touched my heart after all of this happened that I wanted to share with all of you:
This quote is amazing! I hope you all really take the time to let this sink in. It’s all about seeing things differently. If you focus on the negative aspects of your life or start thinking life won’t get any better, or that things will fall apart they will. The only way to get out of those thoughts is instead to look forward for something amazing to happen because if you do that i guarentee things in your life with start to change for the better, you need only be still and wait for it to happen on it’s own time, like I did with my insomnia. I may not be where i want to be with my sleeping situation, i may have only gotten about 5 hours of sleep, but its a good start. I am taking that as a good sign that things will turn around that I won’t be stuck with insomnia for the rest of my life. Don’t let things like that bring you down or stop you from living the life you want or tear you down, instead focus on the positive keep telling yourself over and over again that things will work out and they will!
Another good example of this was when I was in high school, living with my dad who has Huntington’s Disease. I didn’t think life would get any better. I always thought something bad would happen and that things would never get better, but if you live like that, its not really living. Its just existing, surviving, trying to get through and it never gets you anywhere. I get it, I really do its easier to just sit around feeling negative and bitter and not do anything about it, but does that really help or hinder you? Think about it, i used to feel like crap every morning while my dad had Huntington’s Disease thinking that I could get it too and that my sister could too, I was falling in deep thinking there was no way things could ever get better. I stopped believing in myself. That in turn, made me forget why I was here on this planet to begin with I felt so lost and confused and i hated that i couldn’t do anything about it.This was all happening when I was in high school, ya know those precious times in life where all you ever wanted to do was have good friends, hang out, have a boyfriend/girlfriend, go to prom, I never really got to experience all of that because I was so stuck, so lost, so alone, so intent and worried about my dad, that I didn’t even look forward to the good things that would happen next. How could I? So, if you too have gone through this, then you know its not easy to live like this, its not easy I struggled with this for years. It was only after high school So, if you are in high school and you happen to be reading this then just know things do get better after high school. College was ten times better for me. If i hadn’t followed my dreams and beceomd a writer, instead of a veterinarian I would be very sad and upset still. I think something happens when you grow up, now that I’m in my 20s now, I see things in such a brighter lens, so much moreso than I ever have before. I know that my life sucked back then, sometimes even right now it really brings me down, but with quotes like the one above, it helps lift me up and helps me remember that things will get better that I have gotten better, that I am healing that I did get out of that dark tunnel of a life that I had been through and that it is possible to make your way back. The one thing that i had lost in myself for so long is finally resurfacing: belief, faith, and once you start thinking good tings will happen all the time, life just starts to unfold that way! Funny how that works huh?
If it hadn’t been for God, for prayer, for my sister, for at least some of my friends at high school, my chiropractor Dr. Omar, my kinesiologist Lynn, and Cinnamon my cuddly fun loving dog, I would not be here today!
I didn’t even really understand any of this until I really reached down looked at my life and realized I wanted more in my life, what good was it to sit around feeling sorry for myself or for my dad or for the situation I was in? That never did me any good, thinking that way only ever hindered me and what I was going through. So, the moment I changed my perspective on life, the moment I decided to change my life around, was when I started noticing that things would be ok, that something amazing would happen to me.
Sometimes doing all of this, looking at the bright side of things isn’t always easy to do. I still have times in my life where I just feel downright depressed thinking things won’t work out, but then I sit, pray about and remember that God is here for me and that he is here for my dad and that I need to live my life to the fullest! I may not know where the road is going to take me next, I mean I am right in the middle of finishing my first novel right now and I’m still trying to heal from all of this pain I went through with my dad while he had HD and I have trouble sleeping at night, but the one thing that has helped me most is this: Trust, have patience, keep going because something wonderful is about to happen! Just believe have faith! Life is full of surprises and if you spend your life looking for them, instead of thinking things will go wrong I’m sure you are bound to find something amazing you never would’ve found if you had been running around thinking everything won’t work out. Just remember all o f this week as you start your day today!
Was there ever a time in your life where you needed some hope? Did it help to think of your world more positively?
Hope you all have a great week!